Thursday, March 7, 2013

Steady Ground

"I have a habit of getting scared when things get too good.  I expect life to be full of the little good, but when it is full of the big good that just makes me nervous.  I am too apt to get used to this new and perfect way of living and am terrified of the rug getting yanked out from under me, leaving me not only rug-less, but with my toes chafing at the memory."- June 13, 2012

It is now 9 months since I had that thought.  It is still true.  Happiness still scares me.  At least the idea of happiness.  What a funny thought for a girl who is living a life that makes her more happy than anything she could have possibly imagined.  And that is the trick, I guess.  Learning to accept the rugs being yanked, because more than likely there is something better underneath.  Roots can never be spread and foundations never settled until we find the soil, often hidden under the gaudy rugs.

As I planned my wedding, there were plenty of rugs.  Things that for some reason I convinced myself would be happiness.  One by one they were pulled.  There went the perfectly matching ties, there went the flawless bridal pictures, there went the first dance.  But as I found my footing in what was left, I realized that the steady ground provided by a love that promises forever was more happiness than I could have even grasped.  And more than happiness, it was strength.

I'm going through our wedding pictures.  Josh looks wobbly leaning on me, trying to keep his balance.  We are wind blown and tired, but we look happy.  Josh can lean on me as much as he needs to though.  I've found the soil.  I am starting to grow my roots.      

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